I am at a place where I feel like I am running on empty and barely holding it together when it comes to being a working Mom. I’m tired, busy, worn out, and feeling very lost. I love my career but is being a working Mom where I am supposed to be right now? Being a working Mom is hard!
The truth is that I would love to be a stay at home Mom. This working Mom would truly prefer to be a stay at home Mom. This was always my hope and dream, sadly it is not my reality. The main city near where we live is the third most expensive city in the world right now. That craziness has spread and it’s making it darn near impossible to live on one income.
Could we do it? Probably, but I do say that with some hesitation and doubt. It would be very difficult. We are talking some serious rough patches when it comes to figuring out a budget and making it work. We need a roof over our heads and food in the fridge plus a few other necessities.
Moving currently is not really an option because even if we look farther away homes are still way out of our price range. We’re very thankful we bought our townhouse before all the major insanity started and that we had some forethought in getting a place with multiple bedrooms and a little bit of a yard.
It was much harder to go back to work ahead of my second daughter’s birthday. I was in tears the night before. I did not want to go. It was because I knew what I would be missing out on. The first steps. Random walks and puddle jumping moments. The first words. I missed it… I have a job that requires me to work Monday to Friday, from early in the morning to mid afternoon. I miss out on a lot.
When I do get home from work the girls are often napping. We all know the rule “Do not wake a sleeping baby!” so I don’t wake our girls up. By the time they get up it’s often getting dark out and it’s time to get dinner going. I will sometimes try to do special things with them, like go to a park, but it always happens in a rushed panic to try and beat the sun from setting and the need to be home to get dinner into their tummies.
I am incredibly thankful that my husband is currently able to work from home. I am in some ways envious and jealous that he is able to. I wish I had a career that allowed me to do that. During this time, though, I know my girls, our girls, are with someone who loves them to pieces. They are getting some very special time with their Dad that many children do not.
We are just starting to crunch numbers and see if it would be possibly for me to stay at home. I dread going to work daily. I have major anxiety about it and have messaged my husband in tears multiple times that I do not want to be at work, I want to be at home.
Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
I truly feel that God has put this desire on my heart, I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I am a bit scared. I have shared my desire to be home with my husband and we are praying over it. We both worry about how we would make it work. Could we actually manage off one income?
Currently, we are looking at budget and implementing it. We also want to document and track all spending. We are looking at getting rid of cable and anywhere else we might be able to cut things out. Meal planning so that we can be more organized and not shop without a plan!
We are also waiting for the end of the school year to see if I still have a position at my current school or will my hours be cut. This would mean I have to go to the posting meeting for my job. If that is the case, perhaps I might be able to get a position with fewer hours… I could then still provide for my family, but be home earlier.
For now, I am left with an ache in my heart each morning as I leave to work as I ponder “Why am I here?”. I know the answer, I am currently there to provide for my family and because I do love my job. I am still left wondering “Do I have peace and contentment in my heart and soul, is God calling me to do something else?”
What are some steps you would recommend to other Moms to take if they are wanting to become a stay at home mom?
Are you a working mom who desires to be home with their kids instead of at work?
How do you cope with the heartache?
Oh, Mama. My heart goes out to you. I’m 13-months into this mom journey and can identify with a lot of this. I agree, that God doesn’t put those longings in your heart without a plan to fulfill them. It just may look differently than what you’re picturing. The sacrificially of emotionally missing out may be replaced by the sacrifice of stricter budgeting. I don’t know how so many of our parents did it on one income! I am blessed to be able to work part of my week from home but that comes with challenges, too. No matter what season you’re in there’s a way to feel “mom guilt.” I’m trying to embrace that I’m doing the best I can, be intentional about the time that I do have, and embrace spontaneity and remember that the “little moments” count, too.
I know that has to be hard to be in a position of unknowns. I pray you a peace through it all.
Can you possibly use your blog to help with this? I know not every blogger is happy with “monetizing” their blog and it takes careful planning and balancing to not become annoying to readers, but I’ve seen some great ones. I’m sure you can do it. Your blog is a wonderful place!
My heart goes out to you. I am a stay at home mom but it only worked out that way because after I went back to work I ended up losing my job. Everything happens for a reason. Luckily hubby is able to stay with your babies and soon maybe something will work out for you. xoxo
I’ve had all of the same feelings before!! And you’ve totally inspired me because you’re absolutely right – if there’s a will there’s a way!
Oh, girl I feel the same. We will be welcoming baby number two here in a month (or less) and I can’t stop thinking about how hard it’s going to be to try to find a groove with another kiddo in the mix. Not to mention, we’ll be more than doubling our daycare expenses!
My heart goes out to you Tamara. My longing to be at home isn’t as high as I hoped. In fact, I love being at work and earning money for our family (especially living in this City). My fear is that I’m a “bad” mom because I love to work and hate staying at home. The grass is always greener for both of us, but I know God, will create the path that works best for you and your family. I will pray that he shows you an answer sooner rather than later.
I was forced into a SAHM position. When I was 8.5 months pregnant with number 2, I was let go from my job of 10 years. We were… terrified. We somehow are making it work. I currently work at the local YMCA (not at ALL what I was doing before — but I get to take my kids to work with me — so no childcare costs! aaaand I only work about 20-25 hours per week!). It helps with supplementing my husbands income, but it isn’t near where we used to be. We’re just making adjustments.
After reading this, I asked God to forgive me as I moved from the Bay Area and now am able to be at home a bit. However, I’ve complained off and on about not working at my career. Yet, I know this time is valuable and time I’ll hold dear to my heart. I have two little girls. A 20 months old and a 4 years old girl and the 4 years old girl was in daycare at 5 months due to my job in Silicon Valley. She spent more time there than with me practically. God will honor the desires of your heart as it’s a honorable desire. However, it may just look different than you expected.
It is an ongoing struggle. Feel guilty for not being with my son, feeling guilty for letting my career slide. Currently unemployed and at home but can’t enjoy it as we struggle to pay bills. Sigh!
Being a working mom is tough! Praying for peace.
I totally understand what your going through. I also got two kiddos and working full time and there are days I wanna pull ut my hair.
I am a teacher but managed to find a job share partner on Wednesdays, so I work 4 days a week. The one day off with the kids has been so amazing, but I think I’d probably prefer two. I often think that I’m neglecting something – either I’m a good teacher and not a great mom, or I’m a great mom but not a great teacher. The balancing act is hard! I don’t think being a stay-at-home Mom is for me, but neither is being a working full-time Mom. No advice really, other than I agree that it’s a struggle. We definitely couldn’t afford me being a stay-at-home Mom. I will say though that we cut out cable when I was on maternity leave, and as long as you have something like Netflix or Apple tv then it’s a great idea.
Thank you for sharing form your heart! I trust that God has a plan, and will pray for you and your family as you budget and consider what He has in store for you! I can only imagine how overwhelming it must be to work and be a mom. I was a full-time teacher before having kids and know how much work that job involves! Since having my kids I am (mostly) a stay-at-home mom but have actually enjoyed doing some supply teaching throughout the year. This seems to work best for our family, and still gives me the opportunity to do a job I love. Much love!
I love this post. I’m also a working mom and suffer from working mom guilt. I also love my job, and focus on the balance this provides me in life. xo