I’d heard lots about how breast is best before my first daughter’s arrival, I just wish someone had been open and honest to me about how breastfeeding is hard for some. Having seen others breastfeed their children, and everyone I knew said things had gone smoothly for them, I just assumed my experience would be the same. It wasn’t. Some how the thoughts of possibly having an easy experience breastfeeding crept into my mind again while pregnant with my second daughter. Yet again I have found out that breastfeeding is hard.
I wish this was a topic that was shared more openly. I wish that my prenatal doctors might have warned me that while breastfeeding may be easy for some, it can be very challenging for others. I wish my friends had been more open and honest about their experience. Now I know that how one feeds their baby can be a very touchy subject, but if you’ve followed our journey for some time you’ll know that I nurse, bottle feed, pump, and use formula. I have done so with both of my girls. You will find no “breastfeeding zealotry” here, or pushiness about why you should use formula. This is a judgement free zone. I just want to share a bit of what I’ve been through in hopes that it might help others possibly find peace about where they are at too.
With my first born I knew things were not going to be easy with her first feed. She struggled to latch, and when she did for a bit, it hurt! Sadly she also ended up throwing up all of the milk, and choking. This happened every single feed. I ended up having a nurse come in, and try to help us each time I attempted to breast feed, but my gut was telling me something was not right. I was in pain, my daughter was hungry, and she was not keeping milk down. I resorted to giving her formula from a bottle within her first 24hrs from being born. While she did throw some up, she was also finally happy.
Down the road, after several doctors appointment we learned that she had horrible reflux. It also was not until a recent dental appointment that it was confirmed she has a tongue tie. I suspected this as she got older, but it was always shrugged off despite all my concerns. Maybe things would have been better if I put my foot down, and got this checked again. Maybe if it had been corrected when she was little our experience with breastfeeding would have been different.
My daughter and I still had a breastfeeding relationship, but it was not what some would consider to be “typical”. In our situation I was not able to nurse every single feed. I caused myself a lot of pain, anxiety, and sorrow by trying to nurse her every single feed. It just was not working for us. We were both hurting. It was hard to see those around me having a positive breastfeeding experience. I felt like I was failing my daughter. Looking back I wish I was not so hard on myself. Maybe things would have gone differently? I did not make enough milk and went on medication to try and help my milk supply. There were some days that I felt so guilty I would attempt to exclusively breast feed in hopes of it FINALLY working for us… it never did. I was just hurting myself physically, and emotionally. I was being hard on myself, and my baby. Pumping and bottle feeding worked a bit for us, but I still had to supplement with formula. I was able to nurse her in the morning, and in the evening. I was also only able to nurse her on one side due to her latch issues, and problems I had – I had surgery almost two years ago to remove a mass from my right breast – I was however able to get a bit of milk out of that side if I pumped. Not much, but a bit. Any ways, first thing in the morning, and late at night were the only time I would have enough milk for her, or I found she was able to latch. There was also the odd time where she just wanted comfort and I could nurse her, but those times I was more so just a baby soother than food supply.
Then you have the whole breastfeeding in public debacle. I was struggling enough, and having a hard enough time to be able to nurse my daughter at all. Trying to do that in public… good grief! How on earth do those covers even work? I don’t know about other moms but I found them very awkward. I also did not feel comfortable just whipping my boob out in public without something covering me. More power to all you moms who are able to nurse without a cover, I could not figure out how to do so discreetly. I’m very conservative about things, and well I am “blessed” shall we say. This made feeding in public something that I feared. I would rather find a private place where I could nurse her because I had so many stressing factors going on. Plus she HATED being covered.
Now I have baby number two, a sweet little girl. I entered into the breast feeding world open minded, but prepared to bottle feed if and when I needed to. Sure enough we were off to a rocky start like the first time. Low/nonexsistent milk supply. Latch issues, but thankfully no tongue tie. There was lots of pressure I was putting on myself, and some from others to exclusively breast feed. This time though things were different. I was more accepting that I might need to supplement, or bottle feed. All that mattered to me was that my baby was happy, and healthy and getting what she needed by any means. I struggled about going on medication again to increase my supply, but I did it because I wanted to be able to provide some milk for her. I set small expectations for the both of us. Again I have found that I only have enough milk for her in the morning, and in the evening for her to be full and content. Yet again I am the human pacifier too.
I’m happy with our breastfeeding relationship. It’s still hard. It is a far cry from being easy for me and my daughter, but that is okay. I finally found a nursing cover I can figure out, and this time I have a baby who doesn’t mind it. I have also found myself being okay with not covering up too. I do my best to be discreet. I still cannot figure out how some of you mama’s are like ninjas and so stealthy about it… seriously, teach me your ways! I found myself battling PPD and anxiety again, and it was not because of my breastfeeding struggle but I did have an article passed my way recently and a line from it really hit home “… if depression and anxiety is caused by the breastfeeding experience, breastfeeding isn’t worth it…” So much YES! for this line. I wish I had been told this my first time round because it was a key factor. I wish I was told to stop struggling sooner. I wish I was told that it was okay to bottle feed, and use formula. That there was no shame in doing whatever was best for baby and mom to be happy and healthy. Breastfeeding is hard for some, and it might be easy for others. I just want to encourage other moms to do whatever is best for you, and your baby. Don’t worry about what others think, or say. I’m still struggling to breastfeed, but I’ve found my happy place with it.
I have struggles with BFing as well. I recently joined a Nursing Aversion group and have been learning more about DMER as well. Each of my 3 have had different struggles at the beginning (tongue tie. Crappy latch. Love/hate relationship with nipple shield etc this last one doesn’t like the be covered and needs to be laying down with me) But all my the 3/4 month I have developed a nursing aversion and it is sooo hard and none of my friends have experienced quite the same thing. This group has been great to know people out there are experiencing the exact same things I am. We are still pushing along. Breastfeeding is not easy. And does not always come naturally.
If I had only had two children I would roll my eyes at people who thought breastfeeding was hard. Well I learned with my third and fifth that sometimes it is not.
My motto is A Fed Baby is the Best! Whether you breastfeed, pump, or use formula, as long as your baby has a full belly, that is what should matter. I also talked about my breastfeeding experience on my blog. Check it out! 🙂 http://thechoosymommy.blogspot.com/2016/01/dont-make-breastfeeding-versus-formula.html
I wish I could’ve read this 12 years ago when I had my first child. I STRUGGLED and tried my best but felt like such a failure. No one ever said it was so hard and believe me, I asked. I think for some, breastfeeding comes very naturally and easily and for others, it’s difficult to put it mildly. My son would not latch properly and I ended up with mastitis. I was going to Breastfeeding clinics every week to have my boy weighed and to seek help for the pain and finally someone listened. What a difference a consultation with a specialist makes. In the end, I fed my son breastmilk and formula. Two years later when my daughter came along I certainly was fearful but thankfully knew what to do if I was faced with the same troubles. I’m glad to see this post even though my baby days are over. Hopefully someone struggling will read it and not worry so much.
My favorite line: no breastfeeding zealotry here!! LOL
And that picture of her toes! *swoon*
Thanks for sharing – there are so many conflicting messages we hear about being a mom it’s hard to know what to expect of ourselves. You are a beautiful, wonderful mama!
There is so much pressure to breast feed that it can get a bit intense. I was fortunate to not have any issues, but I have many friends who struggled… I think the important thing to remember is to feed your baby! If you can breastfeed great, formal… great! As long as your baby is eating properly!
I didn’t breastfeed my daughter so I don’t really know much about breastfeeding. I do know that all my friends that have omg…. So many stories on complications with it etc….
Great post! I was not able to breastfeed after my son was born, due to some health issues of my own. I appreciate that you take a non-judgmental tone in your article, because so many people made me feel awful about formula feeding. They didn’t know or understand the medical reasons. And I also know some people who had breastfeeding difficulties, so you were spot on with a lot of the things you said. Thanks for sharing!
Breastfeeding is so hard. I never produced much so had to give up at 3mo. with both. I spent most of those months doing little more than pumping and feeding.
Great, great post. I wrote about the same thing after I started breastfeeding. It was so hard and at first, SO painful for me, and I was beyond frustrated that wasn’t more of an open topic about breastfeeding. Because once I’d started, every mom I talked to about it said they’d had such a hard time at first, too. I think one reason so many moms probably steer away form sharing the negatives of breastfeeding is because they don’t want to scare off other moms from it. But honestly, I much rather would’ve known and be able to prepare myself for it instead of thinking “Why is this happening to me?” and “Is this normal?” Glad you’re sharing!
It is so important that you shared this, because, like you said, there really aren’t a lot of people sharing there negative experiences, only the positive ones. I, too, had a terribly difficult time breastfeeding. With my first daughter, after lots of trying and some awesome support, we got the hang of it and it was smooth sailing. With my second daughter though, things were horrible and we eventually switched to formula. Fortunately at the time the internet wasn’t as big a deal as it is now, so there was no one there to shame me. 😉 Thanks again for your honest and non-judgmental post!!
Thank you for the support!
I totally get the issues with breastfeeding. My oldest’s first feed was from a bottle because I had a panic attack on the operating table and they had to give me nerve meds once they got her out… it was a very sad situation, and she was on the lower end weight wise, so they needed her to gain. Breastfeeding is very hard, kudos to you for making the mixture work sweetie ❤❤❤
Thanks for your kind words. Wish it was easier for you with your first.
I always wanted to breastfeed my son, but because of medications I was on, I couldn’t. I’m hoping when I have a second one I can!
I hope so too. Have you started thinking about number two yet?
With my first daughter we had a hard time breastfeeding for the first week. I had toe curling pain, but figured breast was best, so I endured…..until my midwife showed me what I was doing wrong….then we had a wonderful feeding experience that lasted until she was 10 1/2 months old. When I had my second daughter……we fed great from the start. I am an avid pro-breastfeeding mom……but I was lucky to have great support and produce plenty of milk. I have always encouraged people to do what THEY feel is best for their child, because I did the same for mine. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help, or bottle feed, or breast, or a combination.
The biggest surprise for me becoming a mom was how hard breastfeeding can be! Good job for doing what works for you and not letting yourself feel any guilt. You are taking great care of your baby girl!
Thanks for the encouragement!