Emotions, Pregnancy, Miscarriage, Remembering

This week has me pretty emotional for so many reasons. Pregnancy hormones, I’m back at work and have picked up the annual school welcome gift of a cold, my daughter is going to preschool and seems so grown up suddenly. I am 36 weeks pregnant now, but this week also marks when we lost a second little one in miscarriage. With that date near, I am extra emotional. 

I will forever remember going to the hospital, knowing in my heart that there was not going to be any good news, but hoping and praying a miracle would happen and my mommy intuition would be wrong. Sadly it was never so. Twice now I have walked those halls, and waited with tears rolling down my face, and mascara smeared all over. Twice I’ve waited for a ultrasound tech to be available, and then wait for the confirmation of what we already suspected. Each time, my husband has been by my side and we have grieved together the loss of our little ones. 

We will always remember the little ones we lost. This weeks marks the time we lost our second little one a year ago. I find myself in an odd place emotionally too right now. Things would have been so different right now. We’d be holding a 4 month old, and most likely going through sleep regression. Instead we do not know this little one, we never got to hold him or her. We will never get to known them while here on earth, but we take comfort in the fact that some day we will when we get to heaven. God had other plans. Instead we are now waiting, and praying over another little one, and waiting for her arrival in a couple weeks. We will be getting to know that little one, and showering her with love. We are so looking forward to having her in our arms.

This week I find myself praying specifically for those who have also gone through loss, whether it was through a miscarriage, stillbirth, or another situation. I am praying for those who cannot get pregnant and have yet to experience what pregnancy is like. My heart is aching for anyone going through, or who has been through these situations. There are a couple bible verses that always stand out to me when I think about this, and they bring me great comfort.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made 
Psalm 139:13-14

But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.
Luke 18:16

Miscarriage: The Little One We Will Always Rememeber
What It’s Like to Grieve: Life After a Miscarriage
Heartbreak Again: Miscarriage
Pregnancy After a Loss