This pregnancy I’ve noticed a shift, especially across social media. A shift where more parents are sharing about their fears and worries throughout pregnancy, birth, and so much more. There’s an openness that’s started and I am so thankful for it.
Throughout my pregnancies, I’ve been overwhelmed with worry and fear for many things. The miscarriages we’ve experienced have left me unable to fully enjoy each pregnancy. Thoughts always linger in the back of my head as I lie down and do a kick count to check on my little love.
Delivery comes with its own amount of fears and delivery for our current little one is riddled with concern, though we are doing our best to trust the medical staff and know that it is all so far out of our hands. We’ve never been induced before. I’ve also never had to be on blood thinners before. I try not to think of the possible risks that could come up from if I need an epidural. The phone call for my anesthesia assessment didn’t help keep me calm.
I’ve been overwhelmed and consumed by nightmares that last few weeks. Those wake me up in a fright and I have to calm myself before going back to sleep. I have tried to chalk them up to pregnancy hormones.
We bought baby monitors that track their breathing while sleeping for fear of what might happen in the middle of the night. We would rather be woken up to a false alarm and be able to check on our little one.
It doesn’t go away… the fears and what if’s. They just change as your child grows up.
I’ve been told by several that when they are little you have little worries and as your kids get older you have bigger worries. Maybe that is true.
One of my biggest fears though for postpartum is the monster I’ve battled twice before. After each of our girls arrived it was like I hit a wall. PPD and anxiety consumed me. Those around me could see in my eyes how far into the dark I was. Many wanting to just give me a hug, but not knowing what to do to support me through. While I hope and pray that I don’t have to fight this monster again. I’m trying to be ready this time. It’s okay if this monster rears its ugly head again. I’ve won this battle twice, I know I can do it again.
Check-in on those around you who are expecting or have a little one. Keep checking in as their child grows up. The fears simply change, but it means so much to know others are with us and will help see us through.
