Point blank… girls are mean.
I don’t know if it’s something that has suddenly become a part of girl mentality, or what. This is sadly something that has been on the forefront of my mind for some time because here I am now raising two girls, and I am worried.
It’s often something that is featured in movies, goodness there is even a movie titled Mean Girls. The interaction of girls towards one another where they are nothing but mean. I’m left wondering why this is something we’re found to be okay with. It’s not funny. Girls are becoming more, and more belligerent towards each other, and for some reason it seems like the world is okay with that. I’ve been wondering why girls, of any age, are so cruel towards each other.
Many of us have experienced the cruelty starting at a young age. Perhaps you were excluded from getting to eat with a group of girls at recess or lunch, or maybe one girl made you their target because of how your hair was styled and it spread like wildfire to your peers. How many of us have scars from being bullied? I know I do.
Not many will admit when they have been on the other end, and been the one inflicting the pain. Let’s be honest though, we’ve all been there. How many of us though grow up, and stop doing this? Sadly it seems like some have not grown up, and have not learned from their childhood. Instead they continue their mean girl ways, and take their behaviour into adulthood.
Mom-wars, Frenemies… how many names are there for these moments? For these women? The bullying continues. The behaviour is still used to do the same thing it did in school. It is used to control, intimidate, and make others feel small. A common thing among women is to gossip, and talk about others behind their backs. Have you ever read the tabloid magazines at the check out? Are those not the same thing; a person somewhere bullying celebrities. Yet these magazines are so popular, with many women buying them as they leave the store, and soaking it all up.
Have you ever experienced mom-wars? I have. It’s ridiculous. It’s destructive. It’s heartbreaking. It’s hurtful. To exclude someone because you do not agree about something, or have had a disagreement of some sort. Have you been judged on how you parent, or over a choice you’ve made? Even something so pathetic as disagreeing about giving children organic squishy food packs, or other squishy packs. Have you been there? How can we as women continue to cut each other down over things like this, it needs to stop. We talk about wanting to end mom-wars, but really we need to get to the base of it all and end girl-wars. It starts young, and it continues into adulthood. We should be lifting each other up, and supporting one another. If an issue comes up you should be going to that person, not ganging up and attacking them in whatever way is deemed fit. Sometimes it really is best to say nothing at all, if what you are going to say will cause damage.
I am incredibly worried for my girls. Am I setting a positive example for them, or am I being sucked into all of this? I sure hope I am doing the right thing, I know that I am making changes to things. No more magazines. Making sure if I have an issue with someone that I talk to them, because it is not the place of others, and out of respect for one another it should be addressed with them. No more being pulled into the mom-wars. I don’t care if you nurse or bottle feed, vaccinate or don’t, feed your kid organic food each day or pick up fast food. I’m working towards a new mindset, and I sure hope I show my girls how they should behave towards other girls. I’m sure there will be moments that I fail, I will face that if and when it occurs. Really, I hope I am showing my girls how they should be behaving towards anyone. I want my daughters to be seeing me showing kindness, respect, and love towards others. I want my daughter’s to grow up being women who have great heart, and good character.
Change has to start somewhere. I’m starting with myself, and my girls.
What a great post! I hope that we all inspire to be moms like this: open minded. driven by kindness, not pride. Helpful, not hurtful. kind not judgemental. Thank you for sharing, for speaking up and hopefully spear heading another movement towards women who empower one another.
Well said! <3 We, as mothers, need to set a different trend for our girls. Thank you for posting this!
Great post! It’s so true- mom bullies are real + insanity! I’m also a mother of a girl and I worry for her too- change definitely starts at home, and raising strong, kind, secure, loved girls is certainly a start!
I agree! I know that there are some really nice girls out there, but overall I think girls are more mean than boys. I worked at a detention center for awhile and I dreaded working with the teen girls. The girls would manipulate or try to hurt others in a sneaky way and they thought it was funny. They also held grudges forever! I was surprised that boys were so much easier to deal with there.
Well said. I am glad the light is being shone on the mean girls, though. Doesn’t make them go away or stop being mean but I think it does force accountability.
Good blog. But girls don’t be hard on yourselves, all people male, female, every race has those who are mean, and some more than mean. Unfortunately it has always been this way,; as a pale, skinny, red headed kid, I experienced it in the 30’s. however, we called it being teased. But I must admit there seems to be more of it among older girls these days. Just continue to teach your girls to treat others with kindness, love and respect, and not anger.
I’m not a parent just yet, so I haven’t had the experience the cruelty that can come from other moms. But I remember feeling isolated and bullied in elementary school, middle school, AND high school. It has been more subtle in college and my career, but it definitely still exists.
Well said Tamara!
I think mean girls have always been around.. they were when I was growing up. But experiences like that helped to make me who I am today and I hope my daughter has enough confidence and smarts to deal with anything that comes her way! 🙂
Yeah, mean girls are a part of life unfortunately, but the best thing you can do is teach your little babies that they don’t have to follow the trend! You should introduce them to things like body positivity and loving other people for who they are, not what they look like. I wish more girls did that when I was younger!
Lottie xx
http://lottielamour.co.uk
Oh my goodness, yes. When I was pregnant I told my husband I didn’t want a girl for that exact reason. Of course, we had a girl! haha. My thoughts on it go both ways.. I don’t want my sweet child to be hurt by the “mean girls” and I would be even more upset if she WAS one of those girls. I was picked on terribly in elementary, and then in high school I only had 3 close girlfriends.. .the rest were guys.
Now that I’m older and wiser I try to practice woman-love and help build up the women in my life and show that we can work together instead of pushing against one another.. I’m right there with you.. I’m hoping I’m setting the right example for my daughter, and I’m hoping it catches on with other moms out there.
I am TERRIFIED for my daughter to get older and go to school. She is very quiet and reserved and I’m afraid that the mean girls will pick her apart. I also hate that it’s like this! I want to raise her to appreciate the beauty in other people instead of feeling threatened about it. Because I think that is what is really going on… we feel threatened by each other. I firmly believe that if women could get past this we would go so much further than we ever have because women that work together are a force to be reckoned with!
Karin | truncationblog.com
I am terrified for my daughter too. I had issues with mean girls a lot in elementary and high school and even some mom wars. It’s scary to think our kids are going to be getting it worse with cyber bullying too.
Girls are mean, but not all girls. My daughter has never been a mean girl and she never will be. Dealing with all the other mean girls has taught her how she wants to be treated and how to treat others. It also taught her to choose her friends wisely.
Sad to say that I agree whole-heartedly and this is so true! Girls are mean and women can be mean, too. But I agree with Shelah above, too! We have the ability to raise girls who are kind and considerate of others. I’d like to think that I wasn’t one of those mean girls growing up, and I try to be nice to everyone I meet. It all comes back to you, after all.
My daughter has been going through this lately and it kills me. The worst part is we homeschool and our daughter goes to a christian co-op (one day a week) the girls are always messing with her. Mean girls are everywhere! Praying my daughter doesn’t become one!
Well done Tami. I saw this in the elementary school, grade one even; but children’s personalities and sense of self are beginning to get set in at that point. I think we model superficial praise to young children way too much. It starts with the newborn baby photo posted. Everyone has to post some version of – she’s beautiful, gorgeous, soooooo cute! A Mom posts a photo for one reason and replies come back – I love that dress… It continues and children drink it all in. The girls that aren’t getting the comments like this, though only four, they notice. Why do we set them up to look for self worth in looks? It was weird to see six year olds spend their lunch breaks talking about who said or called who what – some barely played. Play. Play lots. That’s where children get their sense of who they are, what they like to do. Keep the parent-child relationships deeply rooted in conversations, traditions, story telling about when you were little, and positive guidance – accept that they aren’t mature yet and all behaviour is meant to tell us something. Be who your child needs in all of their emotional outlets. Parents are the shield for all the hurts that happen all too often. If they can come home and talk to you about it and hear “Oh that must have felt so …”, never a “well what did you do first?” If children feel your unconditional love and you are more important to them than peers, then they can feel safe and I think, not be tempted to engage in the hurting others. Children need a strong sense of self and worth and belonging to their family so they don’t get pulled into peers mattering too much and then needing to follow along.
I agree with you on all counts! Yes, I have been on the giving and the receiving end of the “meanness” when I was younger. I have only witnessed it second hand as an adults and it always flabbergasts me to know end that grown women can still behave like children. I wish there was a magic solution for raising girls in a world so full of hate. I have boys, but I have seen my friends’ girls go through a lot of pain at school. The best you can do is to teach them kindness and set a good example.
It’s so true girls can be mean to each other. I do think sometime it is not on purpose but just trying to share what they are passionate about, and they just go about it the wrong way. We need to be mindful about what we say and how we say it.
I think it’s so important to teach girls the value of choosing good friends. It’s almost impossible to avoid mean girls at one time or another in life but the people I choose to surround myself with today will have nothing to do with it. If you’re talking about others to me I’ll assume you’re talking about me to others. No thanks…
This is wonderful. I have two boys, but experienced many mean girls as a teen. It’s something that’s never left me even after all these years.
I really hate all the mean girl/mommy war stuff. I really admire how you’re taking a stand and teaching your girls by example.
I find it very sad that girls are so mean to each other, and that they always feel more like competing than supporting each other. It’s really sad!
it’s such a scary, important topic! i have a daughter and I am terrified at her being terrorized by mean girls–and just as terrified of her becoming a mean girl! and don’t even get me started on the mom wars…!
You give us something to think about and consider. We need to treat others how we’d want to be treated and how we’d 2ant our kids to treat people.
I loved reading this. It is so true – girls can be the absolute worst to each other. It starts with us to set up for a new paradigm … and that includes doing everything we can to feel comfortable in our own skin. And do all of those things that bring us the greatest joy!
Great read, I never really thought about bullying and mean girls until recently (Have 2 year old daughter). It scares me to know what she will face in the future
When I saw some girl meanies young or old, I would talk about them with my daughters and lead by example.