This has been something that has upset me, bugged me, made me cry, and infuriated me since my daughter was born. I am also someone with a very short temper, but I try my best to stay calm and not let things get to me, so I know it could very well just be me and my reaction to things. However, I don’t think I can handle many more of these moments.
The other week something happened that is still on my mind and causing my heart to hurt. It caused me to reach my breaking point when it comes to handling this. It all happened after something a store employee said, that floored me when they said it so nonchalantly to my face.
Yes, there is something “wrong” with my daughter’s eyelid. No, I do not need you saying:
“What is wrong with your kid?”
“Whoa, what is with her eyelid?”
“Wow, you kid must be always tired!”
“She looks so weird!”
Have some tact! In case you do not know what that is, it is the ability to do or say something without offending people. I would expect these sorts of comments and the reactions that go with them from young, inquisitive children who are wondering about what is going on with my daughter’s eyelid, and do not have the words or know how to phrase things otherwise. I would not expect these remarks from adults. Sometimes I wish I had my older sister’s bluntness, my second youngest sister’s patience and ability to bite her tongue, and my youngest sister’s quick whit and sharp tongue ways. I tend to just shut down and say nothing, or I let everything just consume all of me until I explode in emotions. It was suggest to me that next time something like this happens that perhaps my response should be “What is wrong with you?” I just don’t think I could bring myself to do that, but I just might one of these days. It has almost become a daily occurrence, or at least an occurrence that happens in what seems to be everytime we go out with her.
My daughter is beautiful just the way she is. These comments I’m hearing make me fearful that she might some day endure bullying in relation to her eyelid. I pray it does not happen. She is still being observed by a pediatric opthalmologist to ensure everything is okay, and the doctor is still very confident that her eyelid will improve as she gets older. If it does not we will cross that bridge when we need to. We have had it recommended that we speak with a surgeon and to get their thoughts on her eyelid. It is something we are currently considering, and your thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated. My biggest fear is that we miss something and that she does loose vision in that eye.
Comments and reactions like this, to my daughter, with something that I would consider to be minor breaks my heart when I think of families who have children with other conditions. I can’t imagine what they may go through on a daily basis. So please, have some tact. We don’t need your negative comments. Your kindness and support is welcome.
Everyone is fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14
This is really surprising to me that adults would make comments like that. You see your daughter every day, it’s not like you haven’t noticed the issue and looked into it to see if it’s a problem. I don’t know how I would react, the first few times I’d likely brush it off, but you can only do that for so long!!
Oh this cut me to the quick! What a buncha tactless jerks 🙁 Your daughter is beautiful, and yes we’re all fearfully and wonderfully made. People can be so rude, so often without meaning to (which I’ve always imagined illustrates their stupidity 🙂
My daughter has Down Syndrome and I’ve experienced my share of stares, odd comments, and just plain dumb questions over the years. Sending prayers your way!
Oh Tamara, that is so upsetting for you! It is surprising sometimes how insensitive people can be. I can totally see how you are worried about bullying later on down the road. 🙁 I want to offer up some encouragement on that front. Your daughter, from everything I’m read about her, seems to have a courageous and lively spirit. That spirit will be hurt yes by more than just what people think about her appearance, but her courage will rise above whatever hardships come her way throughout her childhood and into adulthood. She will be a beacon to others around her because of how she lives and loves.
You’re right… She is beautiful just the way she is. Differences, physical, emotional, spiritual are what make us who we are. I feel sorry for anyone who feels the need to comment on anyone’s differences because they don’t understand the beauty in diversity. Their loss. Not yours.
Psalm 139 encapsulates how God made us exactly how He wanted to. Everly is a beautiful little girl, with a beautiful mommy. I am so sorry that you have to endure thoughtless, uncaring words from people who obviously don’t know any better. Big hugs to you and know that you are in our prayers xoxo.
Three of family members (including my children) have visited Dr. Christopher Lyons at BC Children’s. He is such a caring doctor and I have full confidence in surgeons like Dr. Lyons working here in BC. I was present the day that he completed surgery on one of my young family members. Whatever happens, your family is in good hands.
wow, adults said those things?! I’m so sorry. I didn’t even notice anything, and had to go back and look at the picture again. She is absolutely beautiful, and it sounds like you are doing all you can for her.
I’m so sorry you’ve had so many encounters with rude people 🙁
Some times people have no tact. I am sorry that you have had to deal with it.