Many joke about making sure baby is fully baked before they arrive. It’s really starting to hit me that this little one will be here soon. Sure she will arrive in her own timing, but I can always be hopeful that she will arrive sooner rather than later… 38 weeks sounds lovely to me. As time seems to be passing much more quickly during these final weeks I find myself double checking that we have everything we need for at the hospital, and at home. We still need to get the nursery changed around, and have our first born daughter switched over to her big girl room. Truth be told though, we really only need to pull out the bassinet, and make sure some onesies are ready to go and we’ll be just find and able to manage if baby comes early.
All of this has me thinking about other things though. I am constantly thinking about labor, delivery, our time at the hospital, and what the first while at home is going to be like. I want it to be different this time. Different from what happened with our first born. While I realize it may be a disappointment to some who are near and dear to us, it is important to us as a family and we hope everyone will be understand.
Labor and delivery… I cannot really predict what will happen, I just have a similar mind set to what happened with our first borns birth story. I’ll be open to my options for dealing with pain, and try my best. I know that I am not the best when it comes to pain tolerance. If labor goes quickly and I am beyond the point of being able to get an epidural I know I will just have to buckle down and deal. If I decided I want an epidural I hope the anesthesiologist is available right away. If I’m told we need to have a c-section, that is okay too because I want whatever is best to keep my baby and I safe and healthy. I do hope that I will be more firm if needed, and that doctors and nurses will listen to me. I guess I am hopeful to be entering with an easy going mindset, but with the ability to speak up for myself if needed… or have my husband do so.
At the hospital… While I’d love to rush home to be a family of 4, I know the importance of getting help right away from the medical staff at the hospital. We noticed with our daughter right away, signs of her having a reflux problem. They showed up right after her first feed, and we were left frightened during our whole night there. Thankfully there was help at the push of a button whenever we needed it. We still left after only 24hours there. I regret that. I wish we had stayed longer. If needed for our second born I plan to stay longer. I want to get as much help as possible, I will not hesitate to press the red button to get help with every feed to make sure my child is latching properly while feeding.
Another part of being at the hospital is dealing with visitors. We are currently leaning towards not allowing any visitors while we are there. Grandparents would be a yes, but limited for how long they can visit. We want our first born to get to meet her little sister as soon as possible, but with just her Mommy, Daddy, and little sister present in the room first. We know if may be an overwhelming situation for her so we want to minimize what could possible cause the situation to be too much. We do think she will do well though as it already seems she is head over heels in love with her little sister. We did get one great tip from friends of ours, and it is to make sure Mommy is not holding baby when big sister comes. This way she can run right into my arms and get cuddles after what will have been a bit away from me. After that, then get Daddy to bring over her little sister and introduce her.
I also do not want to be getting interrupted when trying to establish breast feeding. I had a lot of challenges with our first daughter, I am hoping things will go better this time and I really want to focus on it while in the hospital. I don’t want to have to be asking people to leave the room while trying to nurse. I’d rather know that I can do whatever is needed, whenever is needed. I want to also be able to do skin to skin contact and not have to worry about a visitor walking in because they didn’t knock before entering. We want to keep the time we are at the hospital very focused on us as a family of 4, and setting a strong start to our lives with a newborn.
Home… This is the one that we know may really disappoint and frustrate those near to us. We are wanting to basically hide out at home, as a family of four. I struggled pretty soon after our first born with postpartum depression. Between that, and overwhelmed by the change of being a parent and having a baby, as well as visitors I know I need a good chunk of time that is just my husband, my daughters, and I. We felt a bit robbed of our time with our newborn daughter the first time round, as we just did not have the heart to tell people to please leave when they visited and it became to much. We are still debating about this one, we may allow some visitors but we are going to be much more strict about when and how long. It’s going to be a situation that is very much played by ear.
I also ended up hurting my milk supply since I couldn’t really nurse my daughter, and she was mostly bottle fed, I ended up ignoring my need to go pump. This caused a lot of pain for me, and for a drastic decrease in my milk supply. I do not want that to happen again. I am hoping to set up a strong routine for nursing, and/or pumping this time round.
We want all those first born moments to be witnessed and documented by us. There are sadly not many photos of just my husband and I with our newborn daughter at the hospital, and when we came home. Many moments are actually captured of others being over and holding our daughter. We want the first gas induced smile to be captured while our next daughter is in our arms. We want to have a lot of those first little moments to ourselves as mom and dad.
These are three of the main things that have been running through our minds, and have stayed on our hearts as we approach delivery day more, and more. We’d love to have a private intimacy during those first moments with our newborn. Quiet moments of us as just mom, dad, and baby. We want to be able to take in what all has just happened as we welcome a second child into our family. We want time for me to get back to feeling like myself, because we all know hormones still play a big factor even after delivery. We want to be able to focus on any needs I may have if I find myself struggling with postpartum depression again. I may feel achey, totally crappy, and extremely hormonal. Lets be honest, I definitely do not need an audience for that. Here’s hoping we can establish a routine in the first week, or weeks at home as a family of four. It’s going to be a learning process for all of us. We don’t need a bunch of people chiming in and telling us how things should be, we will seek out advice and tips from others if we need to. Really, this is a learning curve for all of us going from three in the house, to four. Once we figure things out a bit we’d love to have people over to visit our newest addition to the family. We’ll probably actually welcome it by then, we just really hope everyone will be open, and understanding to our needing some time.
Well let me just say that the second is SO MUCH EASIER than the first. Being a new parent is one of the hardest things that no one can properly prepare you for, but with the second (third, fourth, etc.) you have a clue what to expect and what to do. You will be surprise. But I say definitely speak up, if you need the alone time, don’t want visitors, etc. let them know!
It’s very much a see how things go situation. If needed I will for sure be speaking up, or making sure my husband does for me. I so hope things are easier this time round.
I totally understand how you’re feeling when it comes to the last part. We lived several states away when we had our first, so our family just stayed with us while they visited. I still feel bad complaining, but I wish we would have at least waited a month or had them stay at a hotel. My husband’s parents visited for two weeks right after we had her. (They arrived before WE even got home from the hospital!), my mom and one of my aunts stayed for a week after they left, and it was just waaaay too much and overwhelming. I’ve already made it pretty clear (at least to my mom. lol) that I would like some more bonding time first…Plus we live 2 hours away now instead 12+, so that should help. 😉 Sorry for the ramble!
Oh Alicia, I totally get it. Thankfully we had family who did come in town but we told them they had to stay else where. It still caused issues with them not leaving and over staying. Definitely putting my foot down, and making sure my husband is on the same page this time and will stand up for me. Here’s hoping it goes much better!
You and I are so different when it comes to post partum stuff. I say being on the people! Haha!
But seriously, I truly do hope you are able to have that time with your little family and are able to get a good breastfeeding thing going. I’m glad you know what is important to you!
All the best these coming weeks!
I love it! It shows that everyone is so unique. I think if things have been a bit better the first time round, I would feel totally different about this little ones arrival. Looking back on everything I definitely feel this is needed to ensure a good start as a family of 4.
I just wanted to say that this was an excellent post. Next Fall we will be trying for our second child and many of these are issues I want to make sure are addressed for next time. Also, this is totally irrelevant but I have been reading blogs for the past four hours and this is the FIRST blog today that had all of the following: a comment section, social share buttons, grammatically correct, thought provoking and wasn’t just thrown together last minute. So thanks for that. #faithinbloggingrestored.
Trisha you just made my day, and I laughed because of your “irrelevant” comment. I totally put this post together last minute because it was so strongly on my heart last night, while sleepy, and I was sure it would be full of grammatical problems (I normally get others to double and triple check for me). So glad you enjoyed it, and it gives me a bit of encouragement that I am not doing things too terribly!
Take the time to process what happened during your firsts pregnancy and arrival, and think about what you might change. It’s so worth it.
I’d definitely recommend staying as long as you can while in the hospital. I always loved having the extra help. I stayed 4 days with my twins and I was so ready to go home by the end but we really needed that time to heal and be ready to tackle things on our own. Good luck!!
I am so not looking forward to the waddle after baby arrives. I wasn’t able to walk normally for a while after! I will hopefully be able to stay a bit longer if needed.
Baby in the bassinet is definitely the way to go when big sister comes in. Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t run and hug you though. Remember you are laying in a bed with an iv and blood pressure cuff and probably look like crap so she might be a little nervous. Different kids react differently. I have 7 kids, so i have seen it all!
Definitely a good reminder. I’m hoping to not be a hot mess by the time our oldest comes to visit. We will see. I was thankfully off the iv and everything very early with here. Hopefully it will be similar this time if I do need that again.
I was the exact same way for my second delivery…I didn’t want any ‘extra’ visitors so that I could focus on getting nursing working. I wanted to be able to be comfortable in my room too without the fear of people coming in unannounced or staying too long so that it interfered with a feeding time. I also regretted not having many (any?) hospital pictures of myself holding my babies the first time, so with my second delivery I made sure that my husband took pictures of my baby and I. Best of luck as you reach the end of your pregnancy!
That’s exactly it. I want to be comfortable, and to be able to focus 100% on my little one and getting our relationship off to a great start. I am hoping to hire a birth photographer for this time but it’s so expensive. Thank you so much for the kind words of encouragement.
I was so grateful for the postpartum care our midwife gave us.. seriously invaluable. <3 Wishing you a speedy delivery!
I’m actually debating looking into getting a doula to come and support me for during and after for a bit. Even if it means I have to pay for it myself I am beginning to think it may be worth it.
I am the same way with visitors. It can be hard enough adjusting to the needs of your new family while also trying to please others when they visit. I limited visitors after my firstborn for that reason and for the fact that it was flu season during my other two deliveries.
I so wish I had limited visitors the first time, it’s a huge regret of mine. I can totally understand flu season and wanting to limit it too. This little one is due in October so that actually a very good point!
I think it’s great to think these things through and to make a plan for what you want to happen. It may or may not go that way (though you sound like you’re pretty prepared for it), but it’s still good to have a plan. 🙂 And I think it’s totally okay to tell family and friends what you need as a family and as a mom. In fact, I have great respect for a friend of mine, whose husband is GREAT at establishing boundaries to protect his family. She has chronic fatigue syndrome and had a VERY difficult birth, and he put it right out on FB that baby was here but they were NOT receiving visitors until further notice so that she could rest and recover. I think if you are honest and upfront about it like that, people will understand and respect it.
Have you read anything by Sheila Kitzinger or Ina May Gaskin? I think they both talk about the post-partum period and how important that is for moms… how society used to create a space for moms to rest and heal during that time, but in our modern world, we expect mom to be able to jump back into normal life immediately. Ask friends to drop off meals (DROP off, not visit!) if you can, or have one friend arrange a “meal train.” That’s a HUGE help (and something we only experienced with our third daughter).
Blessings on your last few weeks and your labour and delivery and healing afterward! 🙂
I can relate to pretty much all of this. I am expecting my fourth any time and my expectations and desires for how I wanted everything to go has changed with each baby. For us, too, that early “just being” time as a family was by far the most important thing. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy as well as your birth!
I really admire your boundaries and flexibility. You must be getting antsy with anticipation. Like you said though, really all you need is a bassinet and onesies. Can’t wait to see photos of this little one <3
Congrats on the soon arrival of your baby. Babies make your heart burst with job, don’t worry or stress, everything will run smoothly
I think it’s really smart that you already have planned out what you want to happen. I think it’s important for the four of you to spend time as a family without any visitors. Your family and friends should understand. I also agree with staying at the hospital as long as possible. With my second, I wanted to get home and be with my oldest, but I pushed too hard and should have stayed, healed and rested for one more day.
I love your plan to hide out as a family. We hear over and over that families wish they had limited their visitors in the early days!
We have been learning lots about the benefits of skin to skin snuggling for establishing breastfeeding (something that’s tough to do with a room full of company.)
Best wishes, Tamara!