We brought our youngest home 5 months ago, and have since been asked many times if we are planning to have more. Right now the answer is simply that we are very happy with our two sweet girls. This question though has got me wondering how do you know if this is your last baby?
We’ve talked about it back and forth. Will we be a family with two kids, or will there be more in our future? So many different things come up when we talk about the future, and wether our family will be expanding more, or not.
Emotions play a huge part. There is definitely room for more in our hearts, but emotionally I don’t know if I could go through another pregnancy. My fear of another miscarriage is huge, and I worry about how I would handle things if we ended up going through another, or even multiple miscarriages. I just don’t think my heart could handle another. While my two pregnancy with both of my girls have been pretty smooth, I have had doubts, and fears looming in my mind each time and that takes a huge toll on you as a person, and as a couple
Finances do play a factor. Can we provide for more children? We are blessed to have a town house with three bedrooms, and a bit of a yard. Those are two things that won us over. We do however live in a place where the housing market is crazy, and the cost of living is very high. We want to be able to have our kids take part in activities, and be able to save up for family trips. We also are putting some money into savings for them for furthering their education. We do not want our kids worrying about when their next meal will be. Looking at financial stability is huge.
We have talked about adoption a couple of times. It’s something that comes up, and we think about it and pray about it. The other day we asked our oldest what she thought of the idea of if we were to some day adopt a brother. She of course loved that idea. It is something that we seem to keep coming back to, and who knows maybe we will have another child join our family through adoption some day.
But still… how do you know if your current baby is also your last baby?
For now, we do not truly know. We are soaking up all the little moments. Seeing her roll over, learning how to sit, and wearing outfits that we know will be the last time she has them on because her little feet have grown again and do not fit. I don’t know if we will ever have that for sure moment where we say and feel that we are done. For now we will follow our little girl through each stage. We’ve made it through being a newborn, and now we continue on through this journey of her being a baby. We also have her big sister in the preschooler phase, and we slightly freaked out when we realized how soon she will be in kindergarten. We are still very much at the beginning for both our girls. For now, we are happy where we are.
Did you know that your baby was your last?
I know we aren’t some because we don’t have our girl yet! Haha!
More seriously though, our family doesn’t feel complete yet. Somebody has yet to join. We both also knew we wanted a larger family, both having come from one. Three isn’t quite enough for us. I think 4 will be our magic number. But what if it’s another boy? Do I want a fifth?!
I’ve been asking myself this same question ever since Karis was born. I’ve always wanted 4 kids, but since she was a girl, and the fact that all 3 r healthy, I’m not sure I want to go thru the emotions I felt while being pregnant. For now I’m soaking in every minute with our 3. And I think I’d be perfectly happy if we don’t have a 4th, but I haven’t shut myself off to the idea quite yet. We’re putting it in god’s hands.
It is a hard thing to know when you are ‘done’ adding to your family. Our children have brought us so much joy. Since we have four, strangers have told us that we’re done. : 0 )
Very nice post and congrats on your two beautiful girls! It is a hard decision to make. I personally have come to terms with being a “1 and done” mom. I always thought that if I had one child, I would want at least two. That may had been the case if my marriage was strong and stable. However, shortly after the birth of my son, my husband became severly mentally ill, comitted adultry, and verbally abusive, so another child was not something I wanted. We ended up getting divorced a few years ago and now my son is 7. I recently got remarried but I’m still thinking on sticking with the one and done plan. Just seems too hard to start over again. I wish you all the best and whether you have more kids or not, enjoy every moment of it 🙂
Just enjoy the next couple of years ☺️ And don’t worry. I totally understand the fear over miscarriages and/or pregnancies and post partum stuff. Once babe hits 6 months I always think. Wow. Did we just do all that? And survive?! Haha
I’m not really sure. My husband is sure, and I’m pretty sure, bit I still have this feeling in the back of my mind we’re not quite done.
I have 4 beautiful children! With my fourth I had a sense of closure that I did not posses when I had my third. After my third was born I kept saying “I cannot imagine having more!” That said, there was just this sense of – yes I cannot imagine it BUT doesn’t mean that door is totally closed. Like @SHANNEVA said in her comment, I had this feeling in the back of my mind. My son, my fourth, is now 7 months and I can say that without a doubt I am done. No lingering feeling, nothing in the back of my mind wondering – I have a happy sense of closure. Good luck to you!
Thanks for sharing. We are in a similar position with a miscarriage, 2 kids and praying about a 3rd perhaps via adoption. I’m now in my 40’s so that’s another factor – I’ll be due to retire when the kids are ready for college!
It’s a hard question (and one that’s annoying when other people ask you!). I think I might have wanted more than 2 if we had started earlier. But I’m about to turn 40, and we worry both about having a healthy baby, and really our finances and energy level at this point. We love our little family of 4 and feel blessed. Although I do think adoption is a wonderful option for any family. I love this thoughtful post!
With me it’s hard to say whether or not my son will be my only child. My husband and I want more, but I’m infertile at the moment, and cannot afford IVF. So perhaps adoption may be in our future too.
We were lucky. Before we got married my wife and I talked about everything…. Including children. Even before we were engaged we said one or none. Our plan was to try for a year and if nothing happened the. It was going to be a “let’s see what happens” for another three years. (as it turned out it took about a week of trying)
After our son was born I waited about 10 months and asked my wife if she was still in the one child mindset and her answer was a resounding yes. (I went for my vasectomy a few weeks latter)
We have never regretted our decision
now that our son is 12 we realize that it was a great decision. We have a nice annual vacation (he has seen Disney World 5 times), he has always had access to sports and clubs and whatever he needs. It may seem selfish but the financial reality of one verses 2 or 3 I think has made our family situation much better. I like that we have been able to travel to Europe, the US and South America. I like that we can afford soccer, fencing, swimming and all the other things that come up
And above all I like that we made a decision years before we got married and it has worked for us