Mommy are you happy?
A question I am hearing often lately, one of a couple question I am asked by my preschooler a lot over the past couple weeks.
Mommy are you happy?
After seeing me crying while putting dishes away.
Mommy are you happy?
After seeing me crying while sitting on the couch over a commercial that just played.
Mommy are you happy?
After my preschooler just put her shoes on by herself.
Mommy are you happy?
After my preschooler just yelled at me because I helped her do up her coat, and I burst into tears.
Mommy are you happy?
After hearing me sobbing while driving the car, and pulling over to regroup.
Mommy are you sad… do you need a hug?
After seeing me in tears all day long.
The list goes on and on. I have not been doing well. I thought I was, but I am finally admitting to myself that I am not. I think things started off great. My husband took three weeks off to be home with me and the girls this time round. What a blessing that was. I had so much fear and anxiety that we might be facing the same problems we had with our oldest when she was first born. I needed him there. I still need him here daily. I still cannot drive in the car by myself with our girls, because I get so worked up that something might happen. Our youngest hates being in the car, as soon as the car seat clicks into place she starts crying. Crying for comfort, for milk, for so much more. We’ve tried many different things… feeding her right before she goes in so we know she is full, a white noise machine, etc… nothing is helping except for having either my husband or I in the back seat with her. The times I’ve tried driving on my own with her she gets so worked up we both end up crying. I end up pulling over and get her calmed down, and myself pulled together, and we go home. I don’t go out on my own with just her. I can’t. I become a wreck instantly. I worry she will choke like her sister did when she was little in the car seat.
Add in some other things that have made me an absolute wreck, and I am done. Even my chiropractor called me out on it and said I needed to start taking care of myself. Through some of the testing that is done at my chiro appointments my chiropractor was able to tell that my body is running on empty, I have nothing more to give. I’m exhausted and worn. Hearing that made my heart heavy.
I’m trying. I’ve been going to bed earlier, but I cannot sleep. Insomnia has been plaguing me. I am having a hard time making sure I eat during the day. I find myself rotating between nursing or bottle feeding my youngest, and making sure her big sister is fed that 3pm rolls around and I have not had anything to eat or drink.
The answer to my little ones question is yes, Mommy is sad. Mommy is not doing well. Mommy is facing postpartum depression again. I’ve only been able to fully admit that to myself this past week. I was hoping I could get through this again with the support of those near to me, and they still are a key part, but I know I need more help. I booked my appointment to talk to my doctor to discuss further options. I want to feel like myself again. I want to not cry over little thing. I want to not get angry over things that should not make anyone mad. I want to be happy.
Yes little love, Mommy is sad, and she needs all the hugs in the world from you.
Awww. Thinking of you! And praying you get back to being ur happy self soon!
I had post partum anxiety with #3 and thinking about doing routine stuff outside the home felt like you had asked me to drive up a mountain side with my kids in a old car that might break down and roll backwards.
I really coped by cutting way back on everything. I didn’t blog very much, I sometimes got a babysitter for #2 while #1 was at school. That was life saving. To only focus on the baby was huge.
I met girlfriends for lunch when I just had the baby. That was also huge because I get charged up by meeting with friends.
My husband also stepped up the game by doing more too. He would take the oldest to school which relieved a huge bunch of anxiety for me. Something about getting all 3 of them out the door for school pick up was a big trigger for me.
Basically, just ask for help. I started to feel more even and more relaxed when the baby was 6 months old. However. that was my experience. If you feel like things are getting more intense and not improving than get help ASAP.
Hugs and prayers!
I have been in your shoes and it’s tough. It takes a lot to realize that you need help and to actually seek it out. Thank you for sharing.
Sending a million hugs your way! I remember Eleanor asking me “Why you crying mommy?” almost daily during my pregnancy. The tears didn’t stop until months after Everly was born – and sometimes they still seem to crop up unexpectedly. You’re not alone mama, and you’re headed in the right direction! xoxo
I am sorry to hear that! 🙁 I really don’t know what to say other than I will be praying for you and sending lots of positive vibes your way. I’m sure you are helping so many women by just sharing this post..
Sending you lots of love <3 You got this!
Sending you hugs! thank you for sharing how you’re doing. It’s not always rainbow and butterflies after a baby arrives and we need to know that it’s ok to deal with PPD or PPA. I hope you get the help you need and are feeling more like yourself very soon!
I feel you. I had post-partum depression with both my boys but I it was so much worse with my second because there were suddenly TWO people who needed me for everything. I jokingly refer to that year as the worst year of my life, a year that was supposed to be filled with the joy of adding another little being to our family but instead was excruciatingly painful. The lack of sleep, the constant demand on my time and my body. It was awful. And I waited too long to seek help. I wish so much that I had gone sooner, perhaps if I had it wouldn’t have been “the worst year of my life”. Perhaps then I could have felt the joy I so desperately craved. I hope you get the help you need. Remember, REMEMBER, taking care of you is the best way you can take care of them. xo
I’m really really sorry to hear that Tamara! There is light at the end of the tunnel and if you need to cry, then cry. It’ll make you feel better. I want to come over right now and give you a big hug! I can understand how hard it is for you. I didn’t step outside of my house for half a year except for shots. I wanted to put my second one up for adoption because I couldn’t handle any more. But now, it is a distant past. I will pray for you. Hang in there, it’ll pass.
Wow, thank you for your raw post…although I have never had postpartum depression, I am thankful for those willing to share so that women like myself can understand better and help out any way we can…please keep being open an honest about it as it help to teach others who need to learn more about it…and I really want to come and give you a hug right now!
I hope you can get what you need from your care provider! It sounds like you are on the right road to recovery, hopefully it is a smooth one for you!
So brave of your to share this with such honesty. I hope your doctor is able to help you get to where you want to be. Hugs to you mama.
I have been there. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Get help ASAP. If it means spending money on a nanny (it’s an investment in your health that will pay back with innumerable rewards!) and taking medication, I would do it. You cannot do this alone right now and there is nothing wrong with that!
I can totally relate. Thanks for being brutally honest. Yes, I too I am sad. But I know, not for much longer. There is light at the end of the tunnel. My second baby is 9 months old now. He has had health challenges but doing much better now. I recently realized that I have to look out for me first! Yes, me first! I know that sounds selfish, but looking out for me, making sure I am whole is what will make me a better mom for my two boys. Now, I let go easily. The house doesn’t have to be perfect and in order. Dinner can be a little late. I just live in the moment. Taking it one hour at a time. Good luck to us all.
This really hit home for me. I am feeling many of the same feelings currently and have been dragging my heels to get help because even that seems overwhelming and sets off my anxiety. I feel like I could cry pretty much every second of the day and my body is so heavy. Yet I need to feed, clothe, and stimulate a 3.5 yr old and almost one yr old. Anything extra I can’t even begin to handle. My head starts spinning and I have to try to calm myself down. Once I’m through that, I’m so low and exhausted. My eldest asks me if I’m happy also and after reading your post, I’m realizing maybe he’s noticing more than I think. I need to stop dragging my heels and get to the doc. Thank you for the post. I think you just gave me another push towards help. Now I’m off to call the doc. 🙂
My heart goes out to you. I remember my second kid was my hardest adjustment and like your, she wailed in the carseat from just a couple weeks old. I dreaded car rides with her (still kind of do). I’m proud of you for acknowledging the PPD and seeking help, you are a good mama.
Thank you for sharing. As a mom who has gone through PPD as well I am thankful to hear the stories that I am not alone in my experience and I hope you can hear as well that you are not alone. Will be praying for you. Love Rae
I’m so sorry you are going through this. But from what I can understand, the first step is admitting it to yourself (which I think can be the hardest part!).
I love the honesty and beauty. I had the problem too and it was so hard to admit til I couldn’t imagine getting myself out of bed without wanting to end the pain…I pray for you and send my love
Thanks so much for your raw honesty!!! So many people go through this and it’s so important for them to know they are not alone. You can get through this! You can!
Hugs and prayers for you my dear.
I deal with sad days from time to time. my kids are older now, but when they were small it was much harder for me to handle. Over the years I have found ways to help me through my rut. Know that you are not alone, and sharing this part of you with us is a sign of strength and courage. I commend you. I will pray for you.
I know what you’re feeling. I struggled with post-partum depression, too. And it was awful. Take it one day at a time. I hope that you start to feel better soon. <3
Oh Mama… Sooo many hugs your way. Admitting it is the hardest part. I dealt with it after my first was born, and after my second as well. You are going to be getting the help you need, Please know you are in my thoughts and I hope you feel like yourself again soon <3
I’m crying reading this because I know EXACTLY what you’re going through. I’m having my second baby in April and I am scared. I’ve already set up my follow up because I know it usually comes worst the second time around. I wish I could say something inspiring to help you more except you can get through this and try to remember how good it got when you started to feel like yourself the first time around. I really hope your doctor can help you get whatever it is that you need. You’re not alone (even though it feels like the loneliest time ever). Thank you for your bravery and sharing.
My heart goes out to you so much, lady. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having a hard time. I didn’t go through postpartum depression with my son, but I have been through depression, and it’s such a dark place. And it’s hard when you’ve had bad experiences, and this time is a challenge as well! I hope and pray that you can get the help that you need, plus some just relaxing “mommy time”.
Aw, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with post-partum depression all over again. I’ve never been clinically depressed, but I have other mental health issues that make it hard for me to be happy. I don’t have kids and can’t imagine how hard it must be for a child to see their parent go through depression. It is good that you’re taking care of yourself and discussing your options with your doctor.
Oh mama, I know this feeling all too well. Since our twins were born, I’ve battled with postpartum anxiety and depression. Sending you lots of positive thoughts in this difficult season.
Sending you so many hugs mama!!
I love this post, you are so brave to share it and admit that things aren’t always “perfect”!
We had the same car issues with our littlest, I still have anxiety when I’m out alone with her!
Your definitely not alone with your struggles, Hang in there.
I really think the best thing you can do it admit and recognize that you are not happy. Once I did that, things started to get better. PPD and anxiety is all too common for me and I feel like it is always going to be a problem. You are not alone. I’m so proud of you for sharing your pain with us all and letting us know that we are not alone. Sending happy thoughts and prayers in your time of healing!
Thanks for the article… helping me to realize I might need to go back to Dr. again. I already called my health unit and asked for help thinking I must have PPD. I found a sitter for the kids and went to meet the counselor. Poured out everything I could think of at the time.. Which was hard because my brain is having trouble staying focused. Just as I was feeling comfortable to discuss more and maybe set up more sessions, the counselor told me she doesn’t think I have PPD and that my problem is my lifestyle. That I need to change that first and maybe go on anti-depressants to help me through. To set up an aptmt w/ my regular dr. to get the Anti-depressants. She rushed me out the door and there I was leaving wondering what just happened? I thought I was getting help, but instead she made me feel like I was wasting her time. She did give me a list of things to do to help with PPD. I looked through the list later and It’s all stuff I am already trying to do, but struggling with. So here I am.. still struggling, getting worse and the angry blow-ups are happening more often and the kids are the ones most affected. What do you do when you go for help and they tell you you don’t need it?
Awe, mama, huge hugs from us over here! I faced PPD with both of my children, and it was more sever the 2nd time around. Our daughter choked in the car seat all the time, and the hardest part for me now is that I want baby 3 but I am so scared to face those feelings all over again,
You are SO loved and so blessed with such a beautiful family, stay strong!
xoxoxo