The past ten months have been very hard on me. If you have been following along you now I’ve been in the midst of a huge storm in my life with going through postpartum depression. These have been some of the hardest months of my life. My youngest daughter is now one and I feel that there is a need to be open and honest about my journey. You just never know when something in your own life may impact another and help them.
Over the recent months, I have seen much more openness and honesty about PPD. Sadly there was also a situation that happened in my area and hit very close to home for me. A mom who is believed to have been going through PPD disappeared. Sadly the outcome was the worst possible and what many feared.
This shouldn’t have happened, but I get it. I understand what can drive someone to that. There have been days where I have just wanted to disappear. At the least run away for a few hours to regroup. Some around me are very understanding of what I am going through. Others are not because they don’t see a physical problem on the outside and because of that then surely I must be fine.
There have been days where all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry, or stay in bed and do nothing at all. There are times where I may be smiling on the outside, but on the inside, I’m falling apart.
I’m fighting through this.
I will get through this.
I am very grateful that I have an incredible support team around me, but it’s still very hard. Some are not so understanding when it comes to mental health issues. Since they do not see something externally they assume there is nothing going on. Most days it takes everything in me to not fall apart.
“Do not judge. You don’t know what storm I’ve asked her to walk through” – God
The other day I popped out to get a couple things at the store. Between a rainy night, trying to find parking in a packed lot, and already feeling very frazzled from events earlier in the day I knew I was at a tipping point for the day. I started to feel like I was falling apart in the middle of Costco. I could feel myself crumbling. The tears wanting to fall. My breathing was getting frantic. Everything was bubbling up all at once.
Suddenly a voice from farther up the aisle called my name. A friend had spotted me and said hi. In that moment I needed that voice. That moment of someone taking even just a few minutes to stop and say hi and see how I was doing. It may seem little, but for me in that moment it was huge. That friend had no idea how much of an impact that had. They didn’t know what my day had been like or how I was currently feeling.
These moments have come up time and time again. Life has been very much an emotional rollercoaster, one that I really would like to get off of. I am so over this ride. I find myself trying to just keep afloat. This storm feels a whole lot bigger than I ever thought it was. I’m ready for the storm to end, but I do not know when it will.
I am currently in the process of weaning off my medication for PPD. I had an appointment with my doctor to talk about everything and what the process was going to be for me. I was to report to my doctor if things went back to being not as they should be. I could tell immediately the effects of the changes with the dose and frequency I was supposed to take it. Some days did feel like I was back at the very beginning of my battle with PPD, but in the same way, they felt manageable.
It’s very hard for me to explain how I feel and what things are like right now. I am definitely not the same me pre-baby. I’m also not the same like when PPD first reared its ugly head 3 months postpartum. I feel like I am in this void space where I am jus waiting to see what happens. I want to be over this so much, but I know it is going to take time.
There have been those who have and are supporting me through this, so I wanted to share some ways that you can support a Mom with postpartum depression. These are some of the things that have and are helping me through.
Ways to Support a Mom With Postpartum Depression
- Bring a meal – Having food that is prepared and available is a huge blessing. Soups, casseroles, stuff to toss in the crockpot. All of it makes a huge difference. It’s one less thing for Mom to worry about, but she also knows that everyone, including herself, will be getting a good meal.
- Don’t just offer to help, do it – Follow through on the offer to come over and watch the kids, make sure that the offer is taken up on. Often I would either refuse help from those around me, or I would finally feel brave enough to accept the offer but plans were not always executed. The times when someone did take the kids for a walk so I could nap or helped in other ways made a huge difference for me. Go over and play with the kids, prep dinner, or do a load of laundry. Ask her what she would like some help with.
- Check in on her – Call, send an email, or send a text. Do not expect an answer back because it might not happen. That quick little message though may be what helps get that Mom through the day. Make sure she knows you are thinking of her and there for her. Ask her how she is doing and do not take “fine” for an answer. That is the quick and easy way out.
- Be there – Do not abandon this Mom in her time of need. She may try to avoid you or push you away, don’t take it personally and don’t let her. Be gentle and very patient. She needs time, but she also needs you to be there. Do not abandon her.
- Give her a hug and shoulder to cry on – Sometimes the tears do just need to flow and a shoulder to cry on and a hug is so needed. We need that person that we know we can go to and have this moment with. We are vulnerable. We need you.
Wow, mama! I went through PPD also, but it was only a few months. I referred to it as irrational sadness because even though I had good reason to be sad (my baby almost lost his life and had heart surgery at one day old) that’s not why I was sad.
I love this post so much. I have had break downs in more stores then I can count. Big hugs to you!
wow! I randomly came across this post on facebook and I am so glad that I did. My youngest is now 16 months and I was diagnosed with ppd (which we are discovering is more pp ocd) when he was 8 weeks old. Just recently I attempted coming off my medication thinking it was no big deal I was feeling great and I did it the wrong way and ended up feeling awful! Needless to say I am back on my medication and working to get myself back to where I was. You are so brave for sharing your story. Thank you!!!
This is such a great post which I’m sure will help countless new moms. So many women suffer, not only from PPD,, but the stigma and fear that can go along with it. Everyone needs to know that there is no shame in having PPD, and you’ve shared so many great tips for friends and relatives, so they can help ease this pain for new moms who may be struggling.
One of my best friends went through PPD and I wish I had read something like this to know more about it and how to help her cope. I think it’s wonderful that you’re sharing your story and I’m sending you so many hugs! 🙂
I really love your suggestion about not just offering, but actually showing up. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, how many times we say to someone “let me know if you need anything!” and even if we do mean it 100%, how often will a friend actually reach out and say “I need help with…”? I’m sorry that you’re going through this but glad that you have gotten help and will continue to get help. Lots of virtual hugs to you momma!
I wish you the best of luck! Hang in there! PPD was my greatest fear while I was pregnant.
Thank you for sharing.
Sending you love!
xo Debbie | http://www.tothineownstylebetrue.com
I love this! Thank you for sharing your heart!
Keep your head up, momma! PPD is an incredibly hard thing to deal with and unfortunately it can take a while sometimes to even figure out what’s going on. I’m glad that you are working with your doctor throughout the process and I am so thankful that God sent you your friend when you needed it most.
Thank you for sharing your heart on this! It’s so important and I know you are helping many through their own storms. Wonderful tips. Hang in there, storms don’t last forever!
Oh wow, I am very sorry you are going through this. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story! I know so many people who will benefit from reading about your journey.
Love this story of God`s provision.
Good tips too!
Wow best to you and your family. Postpartum depression is a very real thing and it’s very brace to share your story.
This is a beautiful post and the suggestions are perfect. Lots of love to you for being able to express this in words <3
Such a great post! I wrote about post partum blues but they don’t compare to PPD. I’m glad you wrote about this!
Beautiful piece. I too struggled with PPD so I understand where you’re coming from. Thank you for sharing your story. It helps to normalize PPD and makes it easier for those who are struggling to talk about it openly. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story. You are very brave to talk about something so personal. Thank you for sharing how to help someone going through this. Often people on the outside don’t know how to help.
Thank you for sharing mama! As someone who has also been fighting PPD, posts like these are helpful. Hang in there!
YES YES YES. I loved your tips for helping. Moms have so much on their plates and can’t explain why their minds turn to PPD. We don’t which way to go, so it’s so important to have others reach out and be there. I applaud you for sharing – you will help so many moms who struggle and so many friends who don’t know how to help. xoxo
First off, God bless you for sharing your story so openly and honestly. Second, I can relate. I had PPD as well, and it was one of the scariest things I’ve ever experienced on this Earth. Medication was a lifesaver for me. I’ve taken an SSRI for more than 10 years, but I stopped when I got pregnant. Thankfully I recognized the symptoms of PPD shortly after I delivered, and my doctor restarted my medicine. You need to do what is right for you, but I hope you know that medication long-term is an option if it’s what you need. Some of us are just wired differently, and there is NOTHING wrong with that. Feel free to e-mail me if you ever want to chat. Life is too short to live in the dark for too long. Sending hugs all the way from Mississippi!
Thank you so much for your honesty, Tamara. I dealt with postpartum anxiety and depression following the birth of my second son. The overwhelming feelings you describe are exactly what I experienced. Most days it was too much to even leave the house, so I really commend you for making a Costco trip. You mentioned not being the same person that you were pre-baby. Just as motherhood changes you, PPD or anxiety changes you, too. Despite feeling more like myself than I have in years, I feel like my brain has rewired itself to where it jumps to those feelings of anxiety right away, but I work hard to steer it away from there. It’s not easy, but most days it works well. Sending you lots of love and thanks again for sharing your story.
I want to cry and hug you and thank you for sharing all at the same time. I’m pretty sure I don’t with undiagnosed PPD after my son was born. I asked for help the best way I knew how, but we couldn’t afford counseling and it wasn’t until I joined a support group 3 YEARS later, that I really felt like I found true healing. Thank God for putting the ICAN chapter in my life when he did! And thank you for sharing your story. I pray you’ll not only get thru this, but that you’ll be an inspiration to many!
I love this – thank you for sharing. We’ve all been there – some more often than others. It’s so important to stick together as moms. Thanks for sharing your heart and being so transparent!