You’ve decided to go for a family outing to the park, playground, or maybe even a local indoor play place. Your child is absolutely thrilled to be getting to go to one of their favourite places, and cannot wait to get there. Another child soon starts picking on your kid while there. What do you do?
Recently we experienced this, it was not the first time, where another child started to keep coming up to our daughter and hitting her and pushing her. Our daughter was trying to stay away from this other child, and would go to different areas to play, but the other child followed. At one point this other child even shoved our daughter into the thankfully padded fence of the toddler play area. Unfortunately our daughter still got a mark and bump on her face because there are zip ties holding the padding onto the fence. As you can imagine, that last moment was the final straw for me. I am sure it will not be the last time something like this will happen, we haven’t even enter school yet. What do you and your child do though in these situations?
- Let your child sort it out. I can only hope I have put enough common sense and knowledge into my child to use her words and say no, or stop it when situations like this come up. I hope she will know that she can go and play else where to try and get away from the other child who is being aggressive.
- Stay calm. This is more so a reminder for me as a parent to stay calm during the situation. Many of us as parents I’m sure have had the gut instinct, where you want to turn into Mama or Papa Bear. It can be incredibly difficult to remain calm when another child is being aggressive towards yours. I also want my child to remain calm during situations like this too.
- Speak up. When my daughter’s own words were not working. I spoke up when I witnessed a few of the hits, and pushes that were happening and not stopping when my daughter used her words. I could see things were continuing, and escalating. I firmly said in a calm voice “Please, no hitting or pushing. Hands to self.” The child would ran away after I said this, but did come back. This was when the shove into the fence occurred. Again I found myself speaking up, much more firmly and a little louder “You need to stop. No pushing or hitting. Hands to self.” This time the child finally ran away and left our daughter alone.
- Find the parent. If things had continued I knew I would need to find the parent or whomever was watching the child while there, I had actually already spotted who this child was with and unfortunately during the whole time there they were on their phone or looking away and talking to other parents there. They were not keeping an eye on the child they had brought to the play area. At this point, if another altercation happened I was planning to go over to the adult and mention what had happened, and that it was not okay.
During all of this, as my child grows up, I am making sure we are having conversations with her about how she should behaving around other children. Thankfully she has a very empathetic towards others and is quick to understand a situation if another child is upset, or mad. We remind her that she does need to share in some situations, and if there are things she does not want to share they need to stay at home. She knows that hitting is not an okay. Often hitting, bitting, pushing come out when children can’t find the words to express how they are feeling in a situation. We are trying to make sure she has phrases in her vocabulary to talk to other kids. Things such as “Can I play?” or “stop that” or “move please”. There is so much power in words for kids when they can express how they are feeling, or what they want to do, or see happen. I truly hope that in any situation like this, that my daughter knows she can ask for help. Either from mom and dad when they are there, or from the teacher if it is happening in a school environment. I want her to know it’s okay to ask for help, and that it is not okay to resort to violence. There really is still so much to learn, especially when there are problems at the playground.
What do you do in situations like this, would you have done anything differently?
You handled the situation really well. I’m not sure if I would have been so patient. I think I might have gone to the parent after the first incident. My twins are pretty rough with each other, so I’m always afraid they might be aggressive toward another child. I teach them again and again it’s not OK, but we’re still working on it. So, I have to keep an eye on them ALL the TIME if we’re at a park or playground. I would feel awful if they hurt another child.
Coming from a teacher, I love that you have let your child sort it out. So many times parents butt in and make things worse 🙁
x
Missy
Popofstyle.com
It’s so hard not to let that Mama Bear out! Seems like you handled it very well!
My oldest is only 2, so I haven’t really run into this situation yet, but I worry about the opposite happening. My daughter tends to be rough and has been known to bite other kids at daycare. We’ve worked with her on the biting and it’s getting better. Props to you for staying calm in the situation.
Great article…would like to share this if that’s ok!?!
I had my children at a public pool and there was this little boy who was just really rough. Well he go really close to my two year old and was suing in a rough manor. The parents or whoever he was with was nowhere to be found. There were lifeguards everywhere. I told him sternly that he was too rough an to be careful bear my daughter. Anyway, I ended finding the parent or grandparent and they tol me that he has alcohol fetal syndrome and they are fostering him. So you never know what that other kid was going through or where he came from. But this was a great post on how to teach your child grace and assertiveness while playing with other children.
I would do all of the above. I think it’s great if the kids can work it out on their own but if not I would not hesitate to step in and then find the parents.
I do encourage my kids to speak up for themselves, but I don’t know that I would be able to stand by if another kid was getting aggressive like that! I would have found the parent immediately and had a discussion with them about it!
Staying calm is key, it is so easy to get the adrenaline pumping early in a situation and not give your child the benefit of the doubt of making a good decision. Your tips are great advice. Thanks.
This is a wonderful post! I’m a preschool teacher (and a new-ish – toddler – mama), and the four points you made I feel are all very important pieces of encouraging positive social-emotional development while ensuring your child can enjoy the playground unharmed. It always blows me away how many parents completely disregard how their child is mistreating other children at the park. It’s sad, because it’s not the child’s fault that they are breaking connections and being looked at as a little meanie, it’s the parents’ fault for not helping to guide how the child acts and giving proper solutions for positive play.
I am a shy person, so I have a really hard time going to the other parents when I’m there as a parent and not in my ECE role (I will speak to the other children), but you’re right. I should find the courage more often.
The Rage you feel when someone hurts your child is insane. A little boy deliberately pushed my Toddler over at the park. His mother apologised and I smiled and said “it’s fine, they’re kids” but inside I was thinking “touch her again and I’ll lob you in the pond, you little s#$@!”
I think you handled it great. I do find myself speaking up for my child to the bully when his/her words aren’t working and the bully’s parents aren’t parenting. And a few times scolding the parents as well (usually when it escalates with my special needs son).
I try to use nice phrases, like you did “Hands to self!” I worked in childcare for YEARS so it’s second-nature, anyways. I would definitely lose my patience, though, if a parent doesn’t make any attempt to help the situation.
I am SO bad at sitting back and letting my child sort it out. Great advice! Thanks for sharing!
Man I am a huge helicopter mom so I watch my kids like a hawk and always let them sort it out first, great! I always get so worried at the park and I need to calm down haha
I really love this post. It is so hard to know what is write or wrong when it comes to other people kids and how they effect your child. I will defiantly be keeping this in mind. Thanks!
I’ve so been there many of times. It’s a hard thing sometimes to deal with. I always taught Owen to ignore the “bratty” kid and if he can’t handle it we leave. There’s been a couple of times I go to talk to the parents and their nowhere to be found! #parklife good read mama!
It really depends on the age. If the child is young (1 year) then I intervene right off the bat. I’ll shield my child and tell the other child we don’t do that. I don’t care if the parent is there.
If the child is older, 2-4 years, I’ll wait to see what happens. If my child just ignores and moves on, I don’t worry. If it happens again, I intervene and look for the parent.
Once the child is above 4, I just watch. It is a 1 strike policy. If my kid just ignores and moves on and it happens again, I find the kid and tell them to take me to their parent. Then a discussion ensues. By that point your child should be well versed in not being a bully.
Now if my child, especially over 4, hits or pushes someone and they instigated it…we’re done. We leave and they get punished.
great tips! It’s so hard not to go straight into protective mama bear mode. Sometimes we have to let them sort it out themselves
I’ve experience situations like this with my son and I think you did the right thing. I have NO PROBLEM correcting a kid if they are behaving inappropriately, especially if their parents aren’t trying to handle the situation. Maybe it’s the teacher in me (or the Mama Bear) but either way, they’ll never learn if the behavior isn’t corrected by someone.
Great advice! I never know what to do in these situations
I’ve been on both sides of this situation, and you have great advice. Kids often don’t understand their boundaries outside of their comfort zone, and a gentle reminder from a parent is great. Of course, if my son is the one hurting someone else all bets are off! LOL I won’t stand for that, and we usually end up leaving, which thankfully has taught him that acting that way means no more play.
ugh…it’s the worst! I wish I could avoid those places like the plague but I know that’s not the right solution. Great post!
Just reading this turns me into mama bear…it must have been so hard to to react so much mormuch defensively, but I think you handled it perfectly. Bullies are the worst.
I always try my best to do exactly as you did…just let them sort it out…until it continues like in your case.
I’ll never forget this one time, a little boy kept pushing my son and yelling at him. I stayed calm and asked him to keep his hands to himself…it happened several more times (they were playing on something high and I did not want my child to fall.) I looked over and the mother was scrolling through her phone. Needless to say, we left and I did not make a scene, but I said few choice words to the mother while I was taking a shower later that night! lol 🙂
Excellent advice. I dread the day that I have to deal with this but I will definitely try what youve mentioned. I dont want to jump in too soon and I want to make sure my daughter grows up with a strong , assertive voice to take care of herself
These are tricky situations. My oldest is pretty good at handling these types of situations herself, but it’s always good for her to know what to do if she needs help!
I am very outspoken so I wouldn’t have lasted as long as you did. I would’ve spoken to the child once MAYBE TWICE but then I would’ve snapped. Bravo for keeping your cool!
ah, the playground. since T is still on the young side, we intervene if the other kid is younger and just doesn’t get it. It happens. Other than that, T has been awesome at asking politely for his turn on the slide, sharing things, etc and I’m so proud. 🙂
I think it’s a good balance of trying to let them work it out and then stepping in, especially if they are younger. And some parents are just really not aware and need to be brought into the situation.