Struggling but I’m ok

I’ve had a few people who have been amazing about checking up on me since the miscarriage and everything else that got thrown our way. I’m so thankful for them because they are the people I know I can be honest too.

When they ask “How are you?” it’s not just a forced comment after a social greeting. They truly want to know how I am REALLY doing. I can say “I feel like a total wreck, my emotions are all over the place,  and I just want to crawl back into bed right now and not deal with people for a year.”

We are taking it one day at a time.

I’m definitely in a place where I’m feeling very overwhelmed and out of control. I’ve had days where I’m ok and can smile and laugh and I feel human. Then there are days where I’m still dealing with grieving. I cry in an instant and am just a wreck.

I’m struggling, but I’m also ok.

It’s such a weird combination to say, but it’s the best way to describe it. I have a hard time explaining in words where I’m at myself right now. Some how though, those few words are spot on.

All I can say is thank you. To those of you who send little notes, who leave flowers on our door step, who text constantly to check on me, and those who can read me like a book by just one glance of my face. My husband who is going through it all with me,  and is still my rock.

So yes I’m struggling right now,  but you’re helping me get through. Everyday I’m remembering to choose joy, and know that God is in control.