PHOTO CREDIT: JULIE CHRISTINE PHOTOGRAPHY
Cancer took one of our dreams away. It took a choice away from us that we thought we still had plenty of time, months even years before we needed to make, either for or against. Instead, things changed quickly yet again.
During the summer of 2017, we had just started talking about having another child. Having two miscarriages and two rainbow babies, we thought we were done. We thought our family was complete. That our family was to be a little family of 4. So many have said, “you just know when your family is whole”.
We didn’t have the feeling that our family was complete. Instead, we found ourselves feeling that someone is missing from our family. Both of the girls have asked on multiple occasions “when are you going to have another baby?”. The girls have also been expressing interest in our family growing and that there should be another member of our family.
CANCER TOOK THAT AWAY FROM US
This past year I have seen many in my circle welcome their babies. I’ve attended baby showers and left driving home with tears streaming down my face. I have watched as multiple pregnancy announcements came up from those around me. While I was rejoicing and truly happy for everyone, my heart was breaking into a million pieces. We hadn’t told anyone what was going on. No one knew that our dream was broken.
Cancer took away the possibility of us having another child. We were told the likelihood of us having another child naturally would be 0%. Everything changed within minutes for us when we were told that the best course of action was chemo and was only to have it made finite with a second surgery.
My husband has been recovering from everything he experienced during his cancer journey. Physically he would appear completely healthy to anyone who was to simply glance at him. Often it’s the things you can’t see that are impacting those around you. For us, what you do not see is that infertility is now a heartbreak we face.
There are options out there, all of which are very financially driven. What is often not talked about, is the financial strain that cancer can have on families. When we were told suddenly that Jason needed chemo we did take one step in this direction of other options before chemo was started. He found himself at a specialist and making a charge to the credit card that we did not expect to have. Things like this are not covered by insurance. However, doing this may be what allows us to possibly have a smidgen of control over the future of our family.
THERE IS SO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT
Do we really want to add more financial pressure to our lives by pursuing the other options available? These options will likely bring about an emotional rollercoaster just like cancer had brought into our lives. Going through miscarriages shattered us, what if these other options were not to work? Do we want to go through even more heartbreak? Are we emotionally ready to handle all of that? We have felt so powerless and out of control this past year. A journey like that could potentially take a lot out of us again.
It’s not talked about often enough the effects of chemo. I had no idea that it takes that kind of toll on your body. Thank you for sharing your story. I’ll be sending good vibes your families way ❤️❤️❤️❤️
We had this reality hit us with Charlie as well. Only she is too young so no mount of money in the world could preserve her eggs. It is heart breaking. I pray one day they figure out a chemo regiment that leaves reproductive organs alone. 😭
Oh my goodness… what a heartbreak. I’m so sorry!
I struggled with infertility for over three years before having my first baby. It was unbelievably hard. I never thought I’d be fortunate enough to finally get pregnant not once but twice.
It’s so hard if you feel like your family isn’t complete. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I’m so sorry for your lost dream and your difficult journey. Hard roads often lead us down paths to places of influence we never thought we go. Sharing your story as you live it will surely encourage others who find themselves in similar circumstances.