WHEN ARE YOU DUE?
When people start finding out you are expecting there are certain questions that come up almost immediately. The main one tends to be a version of “When are you due?”, “How far along are you?”, and “When’s your due date?”. It’s a question we always felt a lot of pressure around. It became a question that we dreaded getting. For our last two pregnancies, we did not share a specific due date with many. Only those who would be immediately impacted knew.
IT’S REALLY JUST A GUESS
In all honesty, the due date given is really just a guess. We even started calling them guestimation dates. It didn’t matter the number of dating ultrasounds we had to roughly tell us when the baby would arrive, it never would tell us the exact date and time. Heck, even having an IUI baby medical staff wanted to argue with us that we had our dates wrong. That was a not-so-fun experience that sent our doctor to bat for us when it came time to book an induction. Only about 5% of babies are born on their “due date”.
STRESS-INDUCING THANKS TO OTHERS
Having shared the due date openly with our first two pregnancies, we knew how much it caused us unnecessary stress. Stress really isn’t welcome or needed at any point in pregnancy, so why not avoid it? We really didn’t appreciate the phone calls, texts, and messages asking us “Is the baby here?” and “Are you still pregnant?”. It comes back to it just being a date and not really knowing when the baby would arrive. What if the baby arrived early? What if the baby arrived two weeks late?
EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY
It feels like no matter when you are pregnant and when you are due, someone is going to have something to say about it. Our oldest was due between Christmas and New Year. We received all sorts of unwelcomed comments about how “You can’t do that to your kid. Being born during the holidays is horrible. No one is going to celebrate their actual birthday, and they will only ever get one gift. Not a birthday gift and a Christmas gift.” Due over the summer, you’re going to get comments on how horrible it is to be pregnant in the heat and then have to care for a little one in the hot weather. Due in February, best hope you don’t have the baby on a leap year. The list goes on and on. Someone is always going to say something, and we didn’t want to hear it this time.
COMMENTS ABOUT SIZE
I have struggled with my size for years. There’s no hiding that I am tall and plus size. I get enough judgment from some medical staff, I didn’t want the comments from anyone around me about my size. If people didn’t know how far along I was, then no comment was needed. Really you shouldn’t be saying anything about a person’s size during pregnancy in the first place. Everyone’s body is different and unique and going to do what it needs to do during pregnancy. I’ve gained weight during pregnancy and I have lost weight during pregnancy. All of my kids have been around the same size. I love being pregnant and seeing how my body changes, but it was so nice to not give a welcomed opportunity for others to comment on my body.
KEEPING TRACK
Often it would feel like others were keeping track of how long until the baby would arrive for me. “Only a month away now.” or “Only two more weeks.” I really hated hearing this. I didn’t need others telling me what the calendar says. I can read it just fine on my own, plus my care provider was giving me enough updates. Plus I’m the one carrying the baby. Trust me, I know how long they have been in and how much longer I hope it goes for. My body was telling me with every movement, ache, pain, and swollen digit. I’m not a huge fan of countdowns in the first place unless we’re counting down for a trip to Disneyland or Hawaii.
PRIVACY
Ultimately, we just wanted some privacy. That alone summarizes everything up. Our last two pregnancies were going to end with an induction (one even ended up with a c-section after that baby kept us on our toes). I can’t fully put into words how nice it was to not share the due date so openly. There’s only so much you can keep private when you have a baby. Your bodily autonomy goes out the window. Forget about your dignity and pride. There was no need for others to know the due date/guestimation date that was not directly impacted by its potential. Others could wait to hear of the baby’s arrival. We really enjoyed going to the hospital with only those who were watching our older two kids knowing what was going on. It made things more relaxing in a way. That bit of pressure wasn’t there.
Ultimately it is a personal decision. I’ve seen some not even they were pregnant and then share on social media a month or two after having the baby that they welcomed a child. Everyone is going to have a different preference and what you do during one pregnancy may be different during another. That is completely okay. Just know, whatever you do is fine. It’s all up to you and I truly hope you don’t feel pressure from others to do something you do not want to do. Not sharing our due date for our last two pregnancies ultimately brought a little bit of peace and calm that I needed.
